Today in Australia it is Mother’s Day.

A mother’s love is the purest of all loves. To honour this love, Mother’s Day is celebrated. It is a celebration of mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. Mother’s Day around the world is such a wonderful recognition for the mothers who work tirelessly for their children, who sacrifice so much, who are just there in their children’s lives, loving, maybe silent, perhaps somewhat in the shadows, but still always ‘there’ and, in return, are loved and respected for who they are, what they did and what they still do. If you have a mum whom you are close to then it is the time to remember her, to take her out for lunch if physically able, to send flowers or gifts or if you cannot actually see her, to simply ring up and say, “Happy Mother’s Day”, because you recognise it is important to just let her know she is there in your thoughts and that you honour and cherish her amazing position in your life. It is a day to extoll her virtues and an opportunity to reflect on how much your mother has done or did for you.

I posted some of this blog last year but, I wish again to share these thoughts because we have to be extremely thoughtful about our Mother’s Day assumptions since, as the second Sunday in May rolls around, we can fall into the trap of wishing every woman we meet a “Happy Mother’s Day” without a second thought. Our hearts are in the right place, but we may unintentionally be insulting, unfeeling and/or hurtful. While it is a wonderful time to celebrate and share gratitude for and with the women, the mother, or the many mothers in our lives, who have helped us become who we are, not all women that we meet are mothers or still have a mother/child relationship where the adjective ‘Happy’ is the best descriptor. As we share those good memories, feelings, days, and Facebook pictures, we must remember to firstly acknowledge the difficulty of this day; secondly to be compassionate, and most importantly, be understanding about those women and children who find today challenging.

For some, Mother’s Day is a sad day.

Perhaps it is because they remember their mums who have passed on and the universal ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ greeting just rekindles their grief. They remember their mum, cherish the memories and images evoked on this day and’ even though they don’t go around grieving throughout the year, their loss today is more poignant and always will be. When she was alive their mother was, for them, a never-ending song in their hearts of comfort, happiness, and sanctuary. Although they may sometimes forget the words, they will always remember their tune. Therefore, it is extremely important for family and friends to recognise, acknowledge and be there for those who have lost their mothers knowing Mother’s Day may bring up a mixture of both happy and sad emotions.

Mother’s Day can be complicated for anyone, but women who have lost a child, may need extra support. I think of the current ongoing wars in Russia and Israel, where we have shared via media the grieving of the mothers for their unnecessary futile loss of their children. In our society, the focus on contented, happy families with healthy children glorified in media advertising and in shop displays can be alienating or upsetting. We do not know if that customer in our shop or colleague in our workplace or even a casual passer-by that we have just greeted on this day with a happy smile and salutation has lost a child. To a bereaved Mother, Mother’s Day is probably one of the hardest to deal with. Such a mix of emotions aroused against their will. Everywhere they turn there are heartbreaking reminders of their lost child. If we are friends with someone who has lost a child or experienced a miscarriage, it can be difficult to know what to do or say around this holiday to make them feel better. Saying, “Happy Mother’s Day”, is just cruel!

What about those mothers who gave up their children to be raised by someone else? For whatever reason they did this, that hole will always remain there inside them of that child they bore and never saw grow up. On Mother’s Day, the other mother, the adoptive mother, is the mum who gets to hold their child, smile and tickle until laughter erupts, share gifts of breakfast in bed with a homemade card or two and flowers, and exchange love and joy. But what of the birth mother? What of the one who conceived the child, grew the child inside her, then cared enough to bring that child into this world? She is not there or present in their life. To think of the bravery of these Birth Mothers astounds me. Whatever the circumstances of conceiving, simply think of the heart and courage that is required to place their child, their loved child, in the arms of another woman precisely because they believe that giving up their child is the best they can do for their child, is both wrenching and affirming all at once. How do they feel today?

Then there are those who do not, or did not, have a positive relationship with their mother. For them, today can truly be an extremely hard day. We have to acknowledge that not all of us have a good happy relationship with our mums. We are not always aware of the challenges they are facing (unless they actually tell you) because we do not know their past. We do not know what the relationship was/is like with their own mum. That person’s connection with their mum may have always been an emotional tug of war. Sometimes Mother’s Day commercialism is like society rubbing salt into wounds and reminding them that although they may still love our mums and really should get on, they know they don’t. They frankly cannot get on. No matter how hard they have tried, it simply does not work. Even if they are still speaking with their mum but have a difficult relationship, Mother’s Day can be emotional and isolating. Isolating since, when all is said and done, if we cannot turn to our mothers, who can we turn to?

What about those children who do not have a mum at all. Think about those dads who step continuously into the role of mums to bring a unique blend of strength, tenderness, and adaptability to their parenting journey. These dads demonstrate that parenting is not about conforming to specific roles based on gender but about being there for their children in every possible way. Whether due to circumstances or choice, these dads embrace the responsibilities traditionally associated with motherhood with dedication and love, providing emotional support, and creating a nurturing environment where their children can thrive.

The relationship between a mother and child is always complicated and tied up in the pressures we put on ourselves plus the expectations of what our society portrays as the ideal mother-child relationship.  So, what of those mothers who tried their best, maybe in very difficult circumstances, but their children have simply rejected and abandoned them? There is no Mother’s Day card. There is no greeting or sharing. There is only silence. Think, how those mothers feel today?

For me, I am one of those lucky mothers where Mother’s Day is a significant and a happy one. Even more, I am so blessed that I have a wonderful relationship with my two children. I cherish the time I spend with them. Even though my son and daughter both have been married now for many years and have children of their own, our relationships are still there. I revere the laughter, the tears, the downs, the ups, the good, the bad, the special, and the very special.

The bond between myself and my daughter is a tapestry woven with threads of love, understanding, and resilience. It is a unique one that I cannot put fully into words. It has transcended time and evolved through shared experiences, laughter, and tears. From the tender (and not so tender) moments of her childhood, where I nurtured and guided my daughter’s first steps, to the complexities of adolescence and adulthood, where roles shifted but our unspoken connection remains steadfast. I know when asked I am a source of wisdom and a pillar of strength, offering unconditional support and a listening ear during life’s trials. And in turn my daughter, brings joy, inspiration, and a fresh perspective, enriching my life with new adventures, conversations, and cherished memories. The bond between myself and my son is a blend of strength, tenderness, and unwavering support. It started with the tender moments of him in infancy, where I cradled him in my arms, and that grew into a lifelong connection built on trust and understanding. In our time, I communicated when needed valuable lessons about love, empathy, and resilience. I celebrated his successes. I comforted him during challenges, offering guidance and encouragement along the way. He in return, in the ups and downs of his life, has bought me joy, pride, and a sense of purpose to this mother’s life, deepening our bond through both shared happy and sad experiences and mutual respect. Then there are my grandchildren. The children of my own children. What an amazing thought! This bond is a treasure trove of warmth, wisdom, and unconditional love. It is a relationship that spans two generations, filled with laughter, stories, and cherished memories, fostering a deep connection that transcends time and hard to describe as each grandchild bestows to me their gift of individual personalities, each one filling a unique place in my heart.

So, what did I do on this special day?

Importantly, I shared a homemade breakfast with my own ninety-three-year-old mother to mark this occasion. Given age and time, I am not sure how many more of those will happen. But I do not need commercial gifts on this day because to me, there is nothing more special than being greeted by a Happy Mother’s Day video chat with my three grandchildren and son. Or to be sent a poem that reflected beautifully (and emotionally I might add) from my daughter in law about our connection. As time has unfolded our ‘in-law ‘relationship has blossomed into a bond woven with shared experiences, mutual appreciation, and a deepening sense of belonging that continually enriches both our lives. Or to then receive a significant message of “Wove you WOTS and WOTS” from my only daughter who could not imagine her life without me … well what more can I say? What I received today from my family is truly all that I need. Yes, I am one of those lucky ones. I have been truly blessed today.

So, I would like to say to all the different types of mums , past, present and future, in whatever situations, or genders, positions or happenings that life threw at you, I wish you a very HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.