So, I am going to talk about something that is not generally written about on a public platform! Flatulence. You know that certain word that makes all of us either explode in laughter or try extremely hard not to let that giggle escape as you hear that melodic sound break out from somewhere close by.

We all know that passing wind, having flatulence, bottom burps, pop offs, or ‘farting’ (the more common colloquial term used) is something that in polite society is not talked about. It is essentially considered uncouth, rude, and definitely not lady/gentleman-like. It can be viewed as somewhat offensive if you ‘fart in public’. But everyone does it. If you have ever encountered one of those people who swear up and down that they do not pass wind, then they are lying. If you are a human being who breathes, you are a human being who breaks wind. It something that must happen! That gas is essentially the byproduct of the air you swallow mixing with the (generally healthy) bacteria and other organic compounds in your large intestine and it finds its way out of your body via your rear-end.

Flatulence is a natural and common bodily function. In reality, an average person passes wind about fifteen to twenty-one times per day. Yes, you may be shocked at those statistics. (I was!) Just look around where you are right now, at all those people you work with, commute with, ride with, walk with, professionals you engage with, to know they all pass wind through the day! Heard or unheard! Come on, admit it, you know that feeling, when that wind is building in your belly in a most uncomfortable way and you are trying so hard to keep it in, and that small squeak escapes, or that large unexpected bottom burp rips through the sound barrier to enter the world. In other words, everyone farts! Accept it. I do not care who you are … you fart!

But while often a source of embarrassment or humour, flatulence, bottom burps, pop offs, passing wind, farting or whatever you want to call it, serves a vital purpose in the body’s digestive process. It assists to maintain gut health and medically we need to pass wind. Think about those abdominal surgeries or appendicitis operations where the surgeon has subsequently entered the post-operative ward and the first questions they ask each patient are … “Have you passed wind today? … Have you opened your bowels?” And you have to answer! And embarrassingly in a room in front of other people! And they will not let you return home to your own house until you answer in the affirmative to these questions!

Now having addressed the elephant in the room, ‘farting’ is part of life. Flatulence is as routine a bodily activity for all human beings as is breathing or eating. No matter how sneaky you think you may be, you cannot “hold in” a fart. Sure, they can rumble to the surface at inopportune moments, and you can often comport your body in certain ways to prevent the little guy from screeching out, but that gas will eventually escape. If you are lucky, it will do so quietly and over an extended period of time to give you the best chance of not being suspected as the one who dealt it. But if you are not so lucky, holding in a stinker could force it to come tumbling out louder than it would have in the first place. It happens sometimes in the privacy of your own home, and sometimes right in front of strangers by accident. But in polite society, it is rarely talked about, and very few own up. And if culpable, most people dissemble, or deny guilt altogether. But it is what it is. Farts do happen.

In almost all cultures, farting is considered distasteful, even odious. And yet it has remained a source of endless mirth for aeons, especially for males and children. They openly think farts are quite hilarious. But it does not matter how old or young you are, I think we can all agree that flatulence definitely has a mysterious power because it can turn a silent room into a symphony of surprise and giggles and outright laughter! It happens when your partner is snoring away and that bottom burp erupts like a volcano to break the calm stillness of the night! It occurs in a classroom of children where the embarrassed child is seen blushing as every other student is laughing and holding their shirts up over their nose! No matter who or where, farts are always funny. My grandchildren all think so! Be honest, tell me, no matter if you are sleeping beside your partner, or in the office, or the school room, or with family or friends, no matter where you are or what company you are in, when you hear that fart, whether it be a little squeak or a long drawn out melodic odiferous version,  have you ever tried not to laugh? The unsuspecting culprit becomes both embarrassed and amused, trying to blame it on the dog or the creaky chair, or feigning innocence because they were asleep and it “just slipped out”, but everyone knows the truth: laughter is just a fart away!

But what happens when you cannot pass wind? When the normal process of releasing gas from the digestive system is hindered, and it leads to bloating, discomfort, and even pain? When you cannot let go of that cacophony of air that has built up in your belly? When that desire to release that air bubble to free that small effervesce of fetid gas building up inside your intestines does not happen? When the air inside you is clearly trapped and it cannot come out? That is quite a different story and what recently happened to me and provided the impetus to subsequently write this blog!

Worked a normal day, headed home, usual sleep, up the next day, walked into work as any other typical day to settle into the standard regime of my business routine, and a few hours in, then it hit. Unexpected sharp rolling deep pains attacking my lower abdominal area. Pain that left me doubled over in anguish. Agonising pains like childbirth spasms but sadly no pleasure of a baby at the end, only more cramping, intense, unbearable pain. Not continuous but in contractions, short and sharp. I worked through my day coping with the intensity building, but by the time I got home it was quite distressing! This pain in my abdomen ranging from a dull, nagging distress to sharp, intense sensations caused Sleep to evade me and by the next morning I was not well at all! Bloating in my belly, nausea, severe abdominal pain, and I was a mess! A shocking scene indeed!

Medically speaking, pain in this area is caused by gas bubbles in the digestive tract. This gas in the intestine or colon is usually caused by the digestion or fermentation of undigested food by bacteria found in the bowel. Gas also can form when your digestive system does not completely break down certain components in foods, such as gluten, or sugar in dairy products and fruit. The discomfort that occurs can range from mild to severe depending on how many gas bubbles are trapped in the body. In health terms, if you are not passing wind that may mean your bowels are not working as they should be. The bowel could be stunned, badly infected, or it could be obstructed and that could, in turn, be somewhat fatal. Non-medically, all I can say it was quite painful and uncomfortable; especially when you do not know how to deal with it. For me, whatever the cause, obviously, something was not right by the bloating, slight fevers, severe cramping, and nausea I was experiencing, and I could not get rid of that pain. No matter what yoga shapes or other body positions I tried, or the gentle and rough massaging my body in between the cramps, or walking, laying down, the imbibing of warm liquids and countless sips of peppermint tea, nothing eased my pain! This was one time in my life I have to say I really wanted to fart, and I did not care who was around me to hear! But no matter how much I tried to squeeze out a small pop off or push a bottom burp through my belly to relieve the abdominal torture, the gas trapped inside my swollen belly simply refused to budge! It was jammed!

In due course, with the interventions of antibiotics and time, my pain eased. As the expansion and swelling of my bowels reduced, the pain and nausea gradually eased, normalcy returned slowly, and daily functioning of ‘living’ began again. But I must add here, just like that baby crying non-stop with colic and then the release of that wind heard through their nappy bought relief and smiles to that child and parents; when the swelling inside me started to subside, and I could eventually pass wind, do you know, that insignificant, small, noneventful miniscule squeak of air that escaped from my nether regions was the best thing ever! I have never felt so happy to hear and feel that fart. Pressure was freed and the smile on my face showed it! A relief to the system in more ways than one! Believe me!

Yes, accounts of the universality of having flatulence, bottom burps, pop offs, or ‘farting’ humour is beyond dispute: farts are funny. They always have been. And, it appears, they always will be. But the moral to this story,  the next time you hear flatulence, a squeak, a bottom burp or  a fart, whether large enough to fill a room or a small insignificant tweak, escape from an unsuspecting now possibly hugely embarrassed human being; as you tried to hide your laughter from spilling out at this humourous  and perhaps somewhat offensive happening, consider the fact that particular  fart  was an important part of that persons day. It was a release to them.

I can also bet you he or she felt absolutely wonderful about it too!