I need a hug!

A few weeks ago, my daughter and granddaughter visited me at my house. It was a special visit as due to both of our overwhelming weekend commitments and working weeks etc; it had been quite a while since they have been here in my house in person. Oh yes, we have been together many, many, many times in other places and venues but not at our home. So certainly, after a delightful few days visit, they had to return to the Gold Coast. Prior to leaving, her car was parked in the main street of my hometown and the normal process and customary way of saying goodbye from Grammy to granddaughter began. I reached out my arms to embrace my granddaughter in my Grammy type of hug and said to her …” I need a hug”. To my surprise, a person stopped in front of me and said “Ok” …and turned towards me…. put their arms out for a hug, quite willingly prepared to give me one!

Of course, that was a humorous moment and we all laughed at the antics…. but it was also at the same time a very special thought provoking moment. Why?

Because I needed a hug.

And this stranger was prepared to give it to me.

That same day I was reading on Face book about a young woman in our local community who wished to say thank you to a woman -another stranger -who gave her a hug. This woman was crying in her car, in a supermarket car park “sobbing her heart out” (her words) and this unknown female came up to the car- knocked on the windscreen of the crying lady and asked ‘would she like a hug’- to which the obvious thing happened. Yes! The person who needed the hug ,on Facebook wrote that she wanted to say thank you to this stranger for doing that spontaneous gesture as “her own mother was on the other side of the world, and she felt so alone”.

I was quite touched by all of this and thought- what is it about a hug? What makes it special? What makes it necessary? Why don’t we do more of it? 

Pre Covid, we were all willing to hug each other. It was a normal thing to do. In our local community it was quite common to see males, females, whatever sex, hugging each other in the middle of the street. A common occurrence, a genuine embrace for their family or their friend. Pre Covid, in my own workplace, it was the norm to give my staff (medical receptionists- (a tough job believe me) , a hug at the end of their shift ,as they left for the day,  to simply say I appreciate what you did and thank you for the work performed. It was not forced but rather something I did without thinking. Their response was to hug me back. When Covid hit, naturally due to the transmission of the virus, it all stopped. During the coronavirus pandemic, hugs became a thing of the past. The isolation and lack of human connection was what made quarantining so difficult because craving a hug was what many of us needed. In fact, of all the things you may have craved during this difficult time, I know a hug was on top of my human contact list. And it did not, could not happen.

In today’s Post Covid environment, personally, I do not think hugs has taken off as much as before. Prior, we hugged each other without reservation or judgment. When Covid hit- precautions were taken, no contact at all…and in todays post situation, as much as I have attempted a few hugs at times, we are still a little reserved. Understandably, some of my staff are still a little stiff and resistant. (Although, interestingly one of our doctors (apart from my husband) is quite free and spontaneous with their hugs to me and that is such a nice feel.) As hugging is such a personal experience and as confidence in the human touch restores once again, I can only hope that spontaneous hug between each other without thinking will return once again!

Why do we need hugs?

Most human communication occurs verbally or through facial expressions. But touch such as hugging is a very important way that people can send messages to one another. Scientists say that giving another person support through touch can reduce the stress of the person being comforted. The health benefits of giving and receiving hugs are quite impressive. To quote one psychologist “Hugs have a therapeutic effect on people.” Medically speaking, Oxytocin, a chemical in our bodies is associated with happiness and less stress. Scientists sometimes call it the “cuddle hormone.” This is because its levels rise when we hug, touch, or sit close to someone else. That physical touch involved in a hug stimulates that release of endorphins and oxytocin, which are natural mood enhancers and can reduce levels of stress hormones such as cortisol. Research has shown that hugs can cause a decrease in the release of cortisol, to decrease your blood pressure and heart rate in worrying, hectic or traumatic situations. In moments of anxiety or tension, a comforting hug from another person can definitely have a calming effect on both the one receiving and the person giving. So, it turns out that hugging is medically proven to make us healthier and happier.

Of course, being mindful and considerate and respectful of others’ boundaries and preferences, the most obvious reason for a hug would be that regular displays of physical affection, such as hugging, strengthens the bond and unity between friends, family members, or romantic partners.

In a romantic relationship you hug, you hold hands, and genuinely enjoy having that human touch. I know I do!  I have to admit that I truly enjoy a random display of affection of a hug in the workplace (my partner and I work together) and that continues to build that trust and a sense of security in my own relationship, not to mention, topping my hug-a-metre up on a daily basis! However, generally speaking hugging, is universally comforting and a tangible way, to express affection, love, and care for another person. Just like the bond between my granddaughter (and all my grandchildren) and myself, we hug others when we’re excited, happy, sad, or simply trying to comfort. Think about your own experiences. Can you remember an instance when a friend or family member had dealt with something painful or unpleasant in their lives? What did you do- you gave them a hug. Why did you do it? Because it communicated to them that you were there and willing to offer your support. It allowed you to show that you valued and appreciated them. When you hug another person, it demonstrates in a nonverbal way that they are valued and cared for by you.

When you are having a bad day and various aspects have happened around you, you can feel emotionally isolated and lonely. You don’t even need to say to another what is wrong. Simply receiving a hug from someone else at that moment of time can help alleviate yours (or their) feelings of loneliness, unhappiness, and isolation. It provides a regain of that sense of belonging and that reassurance of  ‘someone cares’. Just like that woman in the car, it reduced her feeling of loneliness. It restored her faith in human life once again. Someone cared enough to stop and knock on the windscreen to ask would she like a hug! Likewise, a hug given to another in an excited happy positive situation is also expressive as that hug given helps to improve self-esteem, because it contributes  to their sense of self-worth and validation. That “hey, you did good!”.

So, I will leave you with this contemplation…..

When did you last receive a hug?

When did you last give a hug?

Would you be like stranger on the street who was willing to give me a hug because I asked for one…?

Would you be like that woman hugging another because she needed one?

I cannot answer that for you as we are all different people, with different communication tendencies, but what I can say is that I do hope that you hug someone in your home or your workplace in the next few days, because you feel it is important to do so.  Because you simply value the worth of your hug!

And on that thought, right now I am going  to give my husband a hug!

Enjoy my poem!

“In warm embrace, two souls connect, A tender touch, hearts intersect. A hug, a gift, both strong and kind, A language spoken, love defined.

From giver’s arms to receiver’s hold, A bridge of comfort, love untold. With open hearts and arms spread wide, The gift of hugs, a love inside.

In times of joy, a hug’s delight, In sorrow’s grip, a soothing light. A simple act, yet deep and true, A hug conveys, “I’m here for you.”

The power of a hug, profound, It heals the spirit, so astound.  In every hug, there lies a chance, To share affection’s sweet romance.

So let us give and let us take, A hug, a bond, a love to make. In giving hugs, we find our worth, A treasure shared, upon this Earth.”

                                                                                                                                             Lyndell Heyning