There is a phrase that goes “History repeats itself”. Well, I can certainly say it does! Why? Because I saw it happen! Because, this weekend, I had the greatest pleasure of seeing my history repeat itself…in a different form through watching my 35-year-old daughter produce her own semi-professional dance concert.

For 30 years, that was my role.

As a schoolteacher I created, developed, and produced small scale end of year musical -drama productions in the school hall, or the local hall (for the many times the school did not have its own hall), developing into bigger productions with multiple schools and children’s choirs, performing at bigger venues and eventually evolving into consecutive mammoth large scale musical productions over a number of years  involving 800 children mass choir performances  each night performing for their parents, from a widescale geographical area.

And all through this, my daughter, from the very beginning, was my sidekick!

She was my assistant throughout. From the small-scale productions, I talked with her, I worked with her, I ran ideas by her. I bounced ideas off her. She gave advice when needed, she made suggestions. The large sale productions, she helped me record vocally the songs required, ultimately assisted me mentally, emotionally, and physical with those full-scale productions, being my stage manager. “It’s looking great, everything is coming together” she would say, encouraging me as she matured even more into womanhood.  And those magic words on the night of each performance as my stress built, she would say with a smile “Breathe! “You’ve got this mum”.

Yesterday, history repeated itself. Except the role was reversed.

She was the creator, the producer. I was the side kick; I was the stage manager.

And I could not be prouder.

This year the dance studio where she was employed had doubled in size and more classes were needed. Obviously, a bigger end of year production away from the community hall was also needed. And so, since early this year, she bounced ideas off me for her dances she was choreographing for her children dance groups from age 4-14. Through video links, I watched her choose music and dance in her home…with” what do you think” questions posed. I watched her design costumes and created ideas for her production. Weekly, I happily received video of the classes and looked at what the children were doing and how far they had progressed. I watched her look both exhausted and delighted at the same time and the prize for me, I was given a role to assist her on the performance day and prepared myself.

Then sad news, that with Qld Border Covid-19 controls, it turned out that we would not be able to attend in person, as it was not deemed ‘as an essential reason’ even though we were only an hour away, to cross into Qld from the border zone, to be there physically for her concert.  So, even though I knew I would not be bodily standing beside her, I continued to assist by mentally and emotionally wrapping my arms around her each week, encouraging her through texts and video chats, promoting her in what she was doing, supporting her throughout right up to the night before. Her words of “I wish you could be here; it’s not going to be the same” resulted in my own conflicting emotions of permissible versus emotional ones. so, right, or wrong, I deemed; this was an ‘essential reason ‘and we decided to go. Our Border pass was in place! It was a ‘family crisis.’ My daughter needed me.

A picture of Tiredness, Exhaustion and Relief presented as we made our way up the stairwell to the auditorium’s stages back room, where I was introduced as ‘mum’ to her four friends – the ‘J’s, who were assisting her, and hugs were exchanged. But her own small whisper in her hug of “I am so glad you are here” was all I needed. I was where I was meant to be!

The Final Tech and Lights Rehearsal began.

And I watched her.

I watched my daughter. I watched my little girl, now a mature woman and mother of her own daughter. I watched the one who had supported me for many, many years standing there leading her own show.And  as the performance came to be, my headset in place, the lights going down, and her stress built…those magic words were said again…. only this time, it was me saying it to her. “Tanya, Breathe, you’ve got this!”

I loved being her stage manager, I loved being her sidekick. I revelled in my role. I performed my role so happily. I watched from my side spot, I watched her direction, her encouragement of her dance group, her interaction with the parents, the audience, her gentle happy bubbly positive presenter role. I was so proud. I could not be prouder!

When she introduced me to her audience, on the stage, at the end of the show, as her mum…as her sidekick…as her person she bounced off, and thanked me for being there, I was happy. When we shared a silly mother daughter moment afterwards of exhaustion, hugs and laughter, I reflected that we had shared so many musical production moments together, over so many, years and I knew we will continue to share our love of music of song, of singing and of creativity of dance.

Reflecting today, yes, it was history repeating itself. But it was history as a role reversal. Interesting, she said those exact words in a text today to me. She told me that “she was thinking about ‘us’ and wrote that “I remember watching you all those years and then with BV from the side and the back and all the work you did. This is why I teach mum!” Wow, what a huge compliment!

Yes, I loved what I had done in my own shows. But this weekend, this was her show. Her Teaching. Her Production. Her Creation.  I had had my moments; I had had my spotlight. But here and now, this is now her time to shine. And I want her to shine! My daughter, the Dancer, the Creator, the Teacher, the Producer.

What More can I say?

More productions to come? A bigger dance group? A bigger end of year concert? Oh, I do hope so!

Yes, History did repeat itself yesterday. And I imagine it will continue, to do so.  And I am more than content to continue in this role reversal, to continue with my ongoing supporting role from the very beginning of her creations, to continue to talk with her, to have her run ideas by me, to bounce off me.

And I am more than happy…. because I am with her. This is who we are- together!