Today is Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day was first celebrated in the US, in 1908, when a woman named Anna Jarvis wished to commemorate Mother’s Day as a recognised holiday to honour her mother, Ann Reese. Anna Jarvis wanted to honour her mother as she believed that a mother is “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world”. Mother’s Day around the world is such a wonderful recognition for the mothers who work tirelessly for their children, who sacrifice so much, who are just there in their children’s lives, loving, maybe silent, perhaps somewhat in the shadows, but still always ‘there’ and, in return, are loved and respected for who they are, what they did and what they still do.

If you have a mum whom you are close to then it is the time to remember her, to take her out for lunch if physically able, to send flowers or gifts or if you cannot actually see her, to simply ring up and say, “Happy Mother’s Day”, because you recognise it is important to just let her know she is there in your thoughts and that you honour and cherish her amazing position in your life.

However, we have to be extremely thoughtful about our Mother’s Day assumptions because, as the second Sunday in May rolls around, we can fall into the trap of wishing every woman we meet a “Happy Mother’s Day” without a second thought. Our hearts are in the right place, but we may unintentionally be insulting, unfeeling and/or hurtful. Not all women that we meet are mothers or still have a mother/child relationship where the adjective ‘Happy’ is the best descriptor.

For some, Mother’s Day is a sad day.

Perhaps it is because they remember their mums who have passed on and the universal ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ greeting just rekindles their grief. They remember their mum, cherish the memories and images evoked on this day and’ even though they don’t go around grieving throughout the year, their loss today is more poignant and always will be. When she was alive their mother was, for them, a never-ending song in their hearts of comfort, happiness, and sanctuary. Although they may sometimes forget the words, they will always remember their tune. Therefore, it is extremely important for family and friends to recognise, acknowledge and be there for those who have lost their mothers knowing Mother’s Day may bring up a mixture of both happy and sad emotions.

Mother’s Day can be complicated for anyone, but women who have lost a child, may need extra support. I think of the current ongoing wars in Russia and Israel, where we have shared via media the grieving of the mothers for their unnecessary futile loss of their children. In our society, the focus on contented, happy families with healthy children glorified in media advertising and in shop displays can be alienating or upsetting. We do not know if that customer in our shop or colleague in our workplace or even a casual passer-by that we have just greeted on this day with a happy smile and salutation has lost a child. To a bereaved Mother, Mother’s Day is probably one of the hardest to deal with. Such a mix of emotions aroused against their will. Everywhere they turn there are heartbreaking reminders of their lost child. If we are friends with someone who has lost a child or experienced a miscarriage, it can be difficult to know what to do or say around this holiday to make them feel better. Saying, “Happy Mother’s Day”, is just cruel!

What about those mothers who gave up their children to be raised by someone else? For whatever reason they did this, that hole will always remain there inside them of that child they bore and never saw grow up. On Mother’s Day, the other mother, the adoptive mother, is the mum who gets to hold their child, smile and tickle until laughter erupts, share gifts of breakfast in bed with a homemade card or two and flowers, and exchange love and joy. But what of the birth mother? What of the one who conceived the child, grew the child inside her, then cared enough to bring that child into this world? She is not there or present in their life. To think of the bravery of these Birth Mothers astounds me. Whatever the circumstances of conceiving, simply think of the heart and courage that is required to place their child, their loved child, in the arms of another woman precisely because they believe that giving up their child is the best they can do for their child, is both wrenching and affirming all at once. How do they feel today?

Then there are those who do not, or did not, have a positive relationship with their mother. For them, today can truly be an extremely hard day. We are not always aware of the challenges they are facing (unless they actually tell you) because we do not know their past. We do not know what the relationship was/is like with their own mum. That person’s relationship with their mum may have always been an emotional tug of war. Not all of us have a good happy relationship with our mums. Sometimes Mother’s Day commercialism is like society rubbing salt into wounds and reminding them that although they may still love our mums and really should get on, they know they don’t. They frankly cannot get on. No matter how hard they have tried, it simply does not work. Even if they are still speaking with their mum but have a difficult relationship, Mother’s Day can be emotional and isolating. Isolating since, when all is said and done, if we cannot turn to our mothers, who can we turn to?

What about those children who do not have a mum at all. Think about those dads who step continuously into the role of mums to bring a unique blend of strength, tenderness, and adaptability to their parenting journey. These dads demonstrate that parenting is not about conforming to specific roles based on gender but about being there for their children in every possible way. Whether due to circumstances or choice, these dads embrace the responsibilities traditionally associated with motherhood with dedication and love, providing emotional support, and creating a nurturing environment where their children can thrive

The relationship between a mother and child is always complicated and tied up in the pressures we put on ourselves plus the expectations of what our society portrays as the ideal mother-child relationship.  So, what of those mothers who tried their best, maybe in very difficult circumstances, but their children have simply rejected them and abandoned them? There is no Mother’s Day card. There is no greeting or sharing. There is only silence. Think, how those mothers feel today?

For me, I am one of those lucky mothers where Mother’s Day is significant and a happy one. I reflect on my past with my own mother and mother-in-law relationships. Even more, I am so blessed that I have a wonderful relationship with my two children. I cherish the time I spend with them. I revere the laughter, the tears, the downs, the ups, the good, the bad, the special, and the very special.  Even though my son and daughter both are married now for many years and have children of their own, our relationships are still there. I do not need commercial gifts from them on this day because to me, there is nothing more special than to be awoken by your grandchildren on video with a rendition of ‘Happy Mother’s Day Grammy’ sung to you as you lie there on the pillows seeing what they see, a happy sleepy mum/Grammy on this special day. Combine that with my son’s Mother’s Day sentiments and my daughter-in-law who tells me that she is lucky to have me. To be given a card from my only daughter that says she is forever grateful to have me in her life and could not imagine her life without me … well what more can I say? What I received today is truly all that I need. Yes, I am one of those lucky ones.

A mother’s love is the purest of all loves. To honour this love, Mother’s Day is celebrated. It is a celebration of mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds.

Mother’s Day, the second Sunday of May every year, is seen as a day to remember your mum. An opportunity to reflect on how much your mother has done or did for you. To extoll her virtues in a Facebook post and tell the world that you wouldn’t ‘be the person you are today if it was not for your mum’. We wish to always remember that Mother’s Day is a wonderful time to celebrate and share gratitude for and with the women, the mother, or the many mothers in our lives, who have helped us become who we are. But while we share those good memories, feelings, days, and Facebook pictures, we must remember to firstly acknowledge the difficulty of this day; secondly to be compassionate, and most importantly, be understanding about those women and children who find today challenging.

So, I would like to say to all the different types of mums, past, present and future, in whatever situations, or genders, positions or happenings that life threw at you, I wish you a very HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.