Not all wounds are visible

So, what do you do on your rostered day off?
Sleep in?
Enjoy some time out?
Catch up on things you want to do???
Watch Netflix or Stan or Foxtel for the latest series to binge watch?

Sounds like a great plan to me!
But no, I didn’t do that! I went to the dentist!
So, you say? What is unusual about that?

For the normal person, yes, nothing extraordinary, but for me I have an absolute fear and dread of the dentist!

Research has shown that when dental anxiety is severe and results in irrational fear and complete avoidance of going to the dentist, it can be classified as a dental phobia. Well that is exactly  what I have dental phobia!

To understand it , imagine see that cartoon or short comedy sketch of a child kicking, screaming resisting as they are being dragged somewhere that they don’t wish to do, and you are pulling and tugging and pleading with them? Or like that dog on a lead that you are tugging along on all fours and it is sliding along in defiance, not giving in at all ? Got the picture? Well that’s me! Combine that with the thought of sitting in the chair, the sound of the drill, and  sharp-edged memories of the dentists from childhood and adulthood being  still open wounds I’ve tried but  failed miserably to heal over the years.

Normally, I am a calm business like,  rational, practical person. Every year I tell myself, ”this year I will go”, but it does not eventuate. I know that I’m long overdue for a check-up, which adds to the fear of making and attending that appointment. I’m terrified that my teeth will need hours upon hours of painful, costly dental treatment. But I am so anxious at the mere thought of stepping foot into a white-washed, clinical dental practice and hearing the disappointed reprimand from a hygienist with perfect professional politeness, who thinks it’s easy to come in every six months like clockwork! That is all too much.

So, I don’t go!

But Dental phobia is a real thing. It is also known  as dental fear, dental anxiety, odontophobia, or dentophobia. But they all mean the same thing, basically  an intense fear of visiting the dentist for dental care. In most cases, people who experience dentophobia ( like me) do so because of prior traumatic procedures and painful procedures encounters at the dentist. The fear can also arise from a bad interaction with a dentist and the way in which the dentist’s attitude was perceived.

Me.  I had all three.

Anaesthetic and I do not have a great relationship. It does not work for very long. Think back to  when you have been to the dentist for a procedure. Bill paid, ready to go, you move away from that  dental chair to the real world, numb on one side of your mouth hearing yourself talk with a slobbery kind of effect producing  words not making sense. Wiping away that dribble that is possibly running out but simply cannot feel anything except your tongue which is dry and swollen? Then about 3-4 hours later the sensation has gone, and normality has settled in.

Not me. Anaesthetic does not work for very long and within a very, very short time , sensation is returning, and I can feel everything!

Many years ago – I had the utmost pleasure of dentists who did not listen to me, who told me it was all in my head and I could not possibly be feeling anything at all and continued on with the dental procedure. Yes, intense, extreme  pain and severe shock reaction prompted my absolute vow nonattendance to ever see a dentist again!

Until yesterday.

Yesterday  I had  pain in a tooth that forced me to that step of finally going to see a dentist.

So reluctantly, appointment made, two Valium and Two Panadol two hours prior to the scheduled time taken, I am on my way, (holding my husband’s hand tight, running to the toilet many times) but brave and calm.  A lovely receptionist smiles at me encouragingly, until I walk into the procedure room and then the tears begin to fall. Seated on the chair, hands clenching the armrests, explanations to the never seen before until this day dentist from my doctor husband about my anxiety, anaesthetic and past experiences and feeling somewhat calmer with the assurance in my head that this lovely woman behind that mask and eye wear with the drill in her hand is talking to me and this time, actually listening to me. I still badly need to go to the bathroom but with positive assurances from Natalie (the dentist)  of looking for signals from me to stop the dental tools at any time were given, the ‘happy’  gas mask placed on my nose, asked to  breathe deeply, to relax (as my nails are digging into the chair) and after many years of non-compliance, the dental hygiene journey in my mouth began.

Breathing in deeper the gas dampened the sense of pain of needles and other equipment. I could feel myself beginning to drift into the happy gas cloud offered. I am floating, slowly hearing her calm voice as she worked. Breathing deeper, I am calm.

I am drifting.
I am doing this.
This is quite ok.

And then it happened.
A Panic Attack.

If you are not sure what a panic attack actually is, it is a brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes the physical sensations of fear such as a racing heartbeat, dizziness, crying, trembling, and shortness of breath. Panic, to a certain extent, are a necessary part of our survival. However, when levels become so high that they undermine regular thought processes, a person becomes anxious. When the brain receives a surge of nervous signals designed to warn of imminent danger, the amygdala, a part of the brain, is activated. The amygdala controls a person’s nervous response  and when this occurs, a release of adrenaline into the system can raise the heartbeat, cause sweating, churn the stomach, and provoke irregular breathing. Medical experts  don’t know exactly what causes panic attacks. They are involuntary and occur without warning.

It did!

Panic attacks aren’t something people can control.
I could not control it either to stop it happening.

Logically, I do not know why it happened, but it did .
It just started and escalated from there.

One moment I was calm and floating.
The next moment I was crying erratically, trembling violently, feeling so constricted in my chest, having immense trouble breathing and could not catch my breath Truth be told,  I don’t even remember the injection needles initially taking place in my mouth, I was in a dream world somewhat ‘floating out of my body’ and then the next minute, I was definitely struggling to breathe.

As it was occurring , I could hear Natalie the dentist, as if from a distance, speaking to me. Calmly telling me, “I was doing so well and I had been so relaxed and to simply breathe…, that I was quite ok…, she had stopped and she was there beside me.” But even though I could hear her words from afar, I could not stop how I was feeling. The panic was so intense. I then heard her ask the nurse to go and fetch Marc. Crying and straining to breathe as I became more and more aware of what was happening, but I could not stop the trembling and struggle to breathe. I couldn’t breathe, and in my episodes of crying , I thought I was dying.

What seemed like hours (but probably in reality only a short time) I could hear my husband’s voice through my fogginess and my intense fear steadily telling me to breathe. As my tears were falling and my breathing ragged, I could hear his voice, giving me a focus towards his recognized voice with the appeal  given to breathe normally, to take a deep breath. All the time he was talking ,I could hear him from my own far distant realm speaking calmly , slowly bringing me gently back to normal breathing, to normal state of mind  and normal composure. I could feel the pressure of his hand again on mine as I returned  to familiarity and the understanding and awareness of where I was and what was happening.

It was something totally unprepared for in a relative safe environment…or so I thought… but my brain told me otherwise! The whole experience  was unreservedly awful! I could hear what was happening, but I could not stop it. I could hear my crying and gasping for air, striving to breathe but I could not control it. I could understand what Natalie was saying but I could not respond. It was like someone  or something had taken over my body. Something totally unexpected  and out of my control.

Yes, Marc stayed with me for the rest of the experience as Natalie had not quite finished the drilling  and breathing deeply into the gas again, feeling the calm pressure of my husbands fingers stroking my own I managed to remain calm until the end of the procedure.

Somewhat embarrassed after the event as I was leaving the small room, I  thanked the wonderful dentist. She took me hand and told me, “it was all okay.” Supporting me emotionally in my embarrassment by sharing the fact that other patients also had panic attacks and it was quite acceptable that it happened. ( By the way Marc informed me he could hear me crying and gasping for air in my panic attack from the waiting room….even more embarrassing believe me!)

Has my faith in dental practices been restored?
Not quite sure yet.

Sitting here with an aching jaw from the dental work, but at least no gaping cavity ….I will tell you how I feel in a months’ time when I return for my next visit.

And yes, the anesthetic has already worn off when I was talking to the dentist at the end…after an hours drilling!!

And while you wait, just remember that a panic attack can happen to anyone at any time and not for any particular reason!
It certainly did to me!