Birthdays are a joyful time, a yearly opportunity to celebrate life.

Today is 24^th February.
A significant day to me, to my children.
My late husband’s birthday.

Everyone can sing “Happy Birthday” to some degree because at the celebration, no one is shy about loudly belting out the lyrics or taking license with the harmonies. It is all part of the tradition, of sharing the joy of the person you know who is having another birthday. Of course at the end of the song, it has become commonplace to now sing “And many more”. But when a loved one is no longer with us, that reminder can be painful. A day we once anticipated with great joy for family and friends can instead trigger a sense of dread and the re-awakening of varied emotions.

I always sing “and many more” under my breath with a quiet prayer that might help to safeguard that persons longevity. No, I am not superstitious but am just prayerful with a sincere wish that their life may be long and happy. Because life has taught me that “many more” is something we can never be sure of and that each and every birthday we have with our loved ones is a gift.

I realized this, when my late husband received the diagnosis that changed his “many mores” to “no more.”
“No more” is the saddest thought of all, and I suspect as you are reading this you understand what I mean.

There is a misconception out there that holding on to our loved ones keeps us ‘stuck in the past,’ that it keeps us from ‘not moving on’. But, contrary to what others think, life does move on- with or without your permission! However, continuing our relationships with people after they’ve died and still loving and missing them despite their physical absence is still worthy. You do not shut them out of your mind just because they are not there in existence.

Logically, death means our loved ones never grow a year older as we do, nevertheless their ‘birthday’ continues to happen year after year. When they were alive, their birthday, for whatever years they spent on earth, was always set aside as a day to remember and celebrate with them.
Even though they aren’t here now, the day still does belong to them.

Some people remember quite publicly such as a marked event. Others buy something significant to honour the day. Others simply do nothing and just recall the day itself. You know, we are allowed to give ourselves permission to stay private and alone with our thoughts and not worry about making any extra effort. To know that it is quite okay to let the day slide by with no fanfare, special ceremony or even acknowledgement.
It is just as commemorative to simply remember the date and the day!

Mark Bussa, my late husband has been gone 15 years this March.
Today, on this date, he would have been 64 years old.
He never made it!

And in my emotions, I smile as I hear the words filter through of The Beatles classic song…
“When I get older losing my hair, many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a Valentine, Birthday greetings bottle of wine……
….Will you still need me, Will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?”

Yes, Mark I still miss you. Always.
Yes, I am still sending you a Valentine.
Yes, sending and definitely sharing birthday greetings with a bottle of wine!
I raise my glass to you now with a salute.

Someone I love is gone.
But even in his death,
Every Year, on his day,
his birthday still belongs to him.

It always will.

Happy 64^th Birthday Mark Bussa.