“Close to Heavan..down to Earth”

It is Sunday.
The middle of January in Banff, Canada.  I am sitting in the most beautiful hotel I have ever been in terms of ‘historic’ and ‘aristocratic manor-like’ surrounded by a snow-filled background. People around me are chatting with each other. Sharing coffee, sharing conversation, exchanging ideas and comments. The service people in the room are walking backwards and forwards performing their routines admirably. Outside the sky is blue and clear, inside the fire is glowing in the grate and the whole effect is of a wonderful winter romantic setting. The kind of thing you see on a Disney Movie at Christmas.

But there is one thing wrong with this picture.
I am alone.
AWWWW!

Why? You may ask?
Because Marc has gone skiing. This is his second day of a planned three.
I don’t ski.

I once read something that Skis are not just pieces of wood, steel & fiberglass. They are tools for escape, a medium for personal expression, a way to challenge fears, push limits and share incredible experiences with your friends.

For me..realistically though, the thought of my feet being locked into heavy boots; they in turn attached to two unsteady boards designed to slide effortlessly out from under you, a couple of sticks in my hands to help keep me upright, an uncomfortable helmet crammed on over a beanie on my head (those who know me understand that I detest things covering my head), tinted goggles on my face, a bright scarf around my neck to apparently dramatically fly behind me as I sail down the hill – my scream of fear echoing behind me (that nobody can hear anyway as it is lost in the wind of the mountain….). idealistic image isn’t it but to me, terrifying! Since after getting all the above in place, the next step would be actually propelling myself off the edge of a mountain. My arms would be wobbling, my teeth and face chattering, my body straining hard to hold those poles straight as my booted feet are pulled by gravity irreversibly downwards. But you know it would not be down the ‘green’ ski slope (the easiest one I believe) that was in front of me, but the skis would be instead making their own independent way to the  trees or rocks to bounce over or preferentially crash into, dramatically sprawling me on the hard snow below … breathing heavy and winded.
(Hey, I believe I recently did that when tobogganing!)

Skiing actually scares me on two grounds: 1) I like control and skiing seems to be giving up control. How can those two narrow boards on a slippery uneven surface be able to counter the inexorable effects of gravity; and 2) I can see myself all contorted in agony with one knee bent one way and the other one squashed underneath me in a twisted fashion with the skis off floating somewhere else saying “take me away from this unsafe person”. That is not a pretty picture in my head, even though I know that falling is a normal part of skiing. (Marc showed me on his ‘GoPro’ his fall yesterday to which I laughed!)

“Skiing is a dance and the mountain always leads. Skiing is the next best thing to having wings” you hear.
Well, I’d rather dance around the mountain in my own time and with my own comfortable surefooted boots on ! As far as having wings…no thank you . The only wings I need are the solid steel wings of an airplane flown by an aviation pilot of many years !
No, skiing wouldn’t be a tool for escape for me …I would want to escape them! And I’m more than happy to not add anything further to my fears and the only challenge for me is to simply walk away when Marc says ” Come with me”. (Actually, that’s not a challenge- that’s the easy part.) Believe me , I am quite happy to not push limits and right now I do not need to share incredible experiences with my friends because where we are at present…I have none!.

Me Ski?
I’d rather not!

However, in my defence, I do believe that I have experienced a number of new crazes this holiday such as ice skating, ice canyon walking, tobogganing on a foam board with no keel ridges to impart some control and, of course, my recently infamous snowshoe ploughing! So, ‘Skiing’ I can gladly leave to my husband and graciously wave him goodbye at an early hour for three mornings even though I will be ready to explore unknown territory on his return and he will be tired and not wish to do anything!

No, no martyrdom here at all. We did agree, and I encouraged him as it is something that he does and loves to do, and I do not. But, yes, I do believe I am an incredibly lovely person! So, ok, you can slap me on the back now and exclaim nice things!

But in all honesty, I must admit, it is rather strange sitting here on my own. Its always nice to have time out from each other in what ever relationship you are in. However, generally, when we are ‘away’, we are together. You know that type of relationship where it’s often just enough to be with someone. I don’t always need to touch Marc nor even talk to him all the time but there is that feeling that passes between you both as you are walking or sitting together of just being there and appreciating that fact you are not alone…

But today I am.

Now don’t get me wrong. It is always good to have time apart to rejuvenate the relationship when you do meet again. I guess we both like our pockets of solitude to recharge and come back to yourself and to each other.  I think that’s so important for everyone.

Yesterday I was okay with it.
But today, I guess I am feeling a little lonely.
I am what you would call a ‘Ski Widow’.

And now ‘alas’ ,my blog sharing today with you is at an end.
What shall I do?

The snow is still white.
The sky is still blue.
Such beautiful scenery and romantic reflections but sadly still alone. Sigh….
But enough of feeling sorry for myself and encircling my own emotions knowing that Marc is out there having fun with his two metal (or plastic?)  funny shaped best friends.
I will find something to do.

Perhaps I will swim a few laps in the heated pool and soak in the outside heated spa…(hmmm did that one already)…
Perhaps I will explore the castle further with its many levels, staircases, ballrooms, bars and restaurants…. (hmmmm did that too…do you know there are 2552 total rooms in this facility with 741 in the historic castle part itself!)
Perhaps I will explore the shops….
Perhaps I will venture down to the city centre to see what is beckoning me there to buy?

I will let you know how I go!
Au revoir… Arrivederci…..See you later..

(PS : I will let you know what I bought- but dont tell Marc !)