Its Sunday night. My husband has gone to bed – early-I know it is only 730pm, but he has been up all last night attending to others at the local hospital emergency department on an overnight shift for 10 hours plus. Tomorrow is back to work for both of us as the normal week unfolds and the weekend is almost over as I sit here watching NCIS on TV.
Life is busy but simple!
Well generally.
But almost a month ago life was quite different. Nothing dramatic but an incident occurred that once again made me look at my surroundings.
My husband got sick. Quite suddenly.
So, you say?? We all get sick…so what?
But he does not get sick. He works in an industry where his immune system is very tolerant of disease and illness not to mention that it has been 8 years plus since he even took a sick day, since he was sick with anything at all. And he definitely became ill. Such an unusual occurrence
A cough on the Monday.
A ‘death rattle’ on the Tuesday night in his chest.
The next night, hooked up to hi flow oxygen (through nasal prongs and tubing about 6 times the size of normal ones), lying in the emergency department, struggling to breathe as his right lung had collapsed and the left was heading that way too.
Yes, you could definitely agree he got sick!
Simply being there with him in that emergency department, watching him smile at the medical staff attending him, portraying his own presentation and possible diagnosis to them, while all the time really struggling to breathe…pretending he was okay created many different emotions.
Then the ED staff left….and we were alone just the two of us in that small curtained cubicle.
And I sat still looking at this man with his automated blood pressure cuffs attached, cardio cords connected, finger oxygen stats registering his breathing as the hi-flow oxygen tubes at 49% level assisting him to breathe trying to create life in those deflated lungs. Knowing that the next step ‘down’ was hooked up to a ventilator!
Watching his chest rise slowly inflate, deflate , hearing him say ‘he was fine and for me to go home’……seeing him sitting up straight against the pillows as he could not lie down effectively , watching the oxygen stats on the monitor rise and fall and not increase very high at all, texting his mother and sister to know where we were…no, sitting in that cubicle was not a pleasant experience.
Unwanted Memories creeping into my mind of watching another man I loved 12 years ago lie just as quietly, breathing just as shallow, gradually slipping away to nothing, no air left to exhaled…just expired……Of course those memories were there…..and I could not shake them. Yes different circumstances, different venue, different times ,different surroundings, but exactly the same feelings were evoked as I watched this extremely important man in my life now struggling to breathe.Those quiet but strong parallel remembrances encircled me in those early hours of that Thursday morning – two men I loved- both with the same name- slipping away slowly in front of me.
And the small snippets of conversation did not exhilarate me when he expressed comments that he did not want to die but he was not afraid to die…..not something I really wanted to hear…but did!
And I could not do anything to help…
Just hold his hand
Just touch him
Just smile.
But of course nothing too dramatic…..at the end of four days later he was off the oxygen and breathing OK on his own and of course ready to come home away from the hospital ward, ready to escape. Not likely. he had to face Me , the ‘don’t you argue with me sentry’ armed with strict instructions from his doctor to not go into work. Oh I had such great pleasure in informing him that concept as he thought he was quite okay to go to work and deal with other patients concerns and illness when he still had his own situation to improve upon. Did I laugh at that one….! Many times followed by a firm flat NO!
And I must digress here and mention that our wonderful supporting staff and our patients were most understanding and so surprised as ‘he never gets sick’……( it could also have been a wake -up call for a number or regulars who might just take the fact that he is always there for granted…)but staff pitched in and helped and patients were all lovely and wished him the best. Except for one female patients – who said that “he had inconvenienced her not being there and when could he fit her in as she needed to see him”…. hmmmm- lying there on high oxygen with a collapsed lung he had inconvenienced her……..really?????? … Can you imagine my reaction???
…..Oh and don’t forget the other who wanted action now for something and would not accept the explanation he was sick and when was he going to do it….! . Of course, by the end of polite explanations and much patience towards these patients , I had had enough at the end of that one and informed this particular female “that actually he was in hospital very sick and I had no idea when he was going to return to work and that when he was able to, he would then get the message but when that was going to happen was anyone’s guess.
Yes you guessed -it she was rather meek and mild and quite pleasant after that!
Oops!
I was quite astounded at how selfish some people can be- caught up in their own world of me me me , it was quite amazing and unbelievable!
Going through life’s challenges require strength — a lot of strength — both mental and physical because they go hand in hand. Life can be simple, happy and sweet and then bang something happens to throw you off course spinning wildly. But without going all soppy or philosophic all I can say that it is so important to know that these moments are crucial in life because it’s when things happen unexpectedly, you realize who matters and who doesn’t and what matters in life and what doesn’t. A sobering but wonderful thought.
We still do not know what caused it or what it was except it was something ‘ATYPICAL”….( rare and unusual not the norm)to build up in his chest and cause it to collapse and we probably never will.
I guess you could say it was something strange for someone strange. Dare I be that brave?????
And yes, nothing too dramatic ,as I said ,because here we are, almost a month later, apart from using Ventolin for his coughing and tiring easily, he is very much back into the normal latitude of our busy life. Just like nothing had ever happened!
But Life goes on.
As always
And..yes just as Busy
But hes still here…beside me
and that’s the most important thing!
PS: I did take a few photos of him hooked up to all the machines…just for memory sake that yes doctors do actually get sick…they really do.. But not this one…Not often thankfully.