How often have you said something and wished that you could straightaway take it back?

How often have you said something, when you are angry and you are very emotional and rather than letting them think ‘it is fine’, you actually  say what you feel, knowing that it might cause an even bigger crack between you both. Then when it is said, you are glad it has been said, because even though it is out in the open and it really hurts  you both, it is said. It is there.

Oh I have been there. I have said what I felt. Knowing that it could drive a wedge between that extremely important person in my life and me. It was unpleasant, it hurt like hell, I cried, but I spoke. I have also cried  with anger  and whether it was the right thing to say, I had to say the words. And as much as it hurt and as much as along with the anticipation of saying it and feeling sad, hurt , emotionally vulnerable and uncertain for quite a while afterwards, I had no regrets. What I had to say simply had to be said.

On the other side, do you know how hard it is sometimes to not say what you really feel? When you want to really say something, but you don’t.You simply keep your mouth shut, absorb the hurt, the pain, the emotions, because it might upset the other person and then in turn hurt you? It might endanger the situation even more. You really don’t want to cause the other person any further pain or heartache by actually saying what you want to say. Then if you speak, what was said between you, could be interpreted in a completely different way from what you meant. You don’t want it to cause an emotional and perhaps a physical rift between you both? No, in your heart you really do not want to have that happen. So you don’t speak, because you know it might rebound. You know that if you speak, you also don’t want to be hurt yourself or endure the silent treatment for a while after you have spoken…sometimes that hurts even more. You much prefer to stay silent! .

Oh,I have been there too. I have kept silent because of the fear of retreat, of reproach, of silent repercussions…of being afraid to speak my mind. I have not said anything when I know I really wanted to say what I felt at that time. But I didn’t. That was so hard.
In other situations, if I spoke,it would take away what the other person needed to do and you were the right one there at the time listening.They needed you. It would have completely destroyed the moment, their trust in you, their need to say how they felt and you should not interfere in that. You stay silent because you don’t want to be insensitive to their thoughts and feelings. You love them too much. And so you do remain silent and you listen. Often in that situation another time has come when I have spoken, but it was later- a different time and space. A more receptive space. That was when I spoke. But at the time, it was hard believe me.

Silence is as much an active form of communication as talking.You know, there are all sorts of silences. There are the comfortable ones, where you’re meandering along in the car with your best friend, each of you content in your own thoughts. There’s the silence of concentration, when all flows inward. And there’s the savouring silence, when you’re in the moment and observation is all—watching that sunset, that child running across the grass—and a single word would be simply one too many. Then there’s the silence where it should be broken because others in the room with you are aware of that silence.

Then there’s the silence  that comes from unsaid words, from unshed thoughts.I think that the hardest aspect .When you are given the chance to say something about what you so strongly believe in about what you feel, and yes, you do speak, but you say it indirectly. Instead of being direct, you skirt about the edge. You do speak but what you say is not what you really wanted to say. You say it in backwards inferences and discussion without really saying all that you came to say. Sometimes we just maintain our silence because when talk feels risky, we feel that our silence is better in not wanting to upset the other party involved. So you only say half of what you came to say. Basically, even though you felt you ‘said enough’, you don’t say it at all. The truth, the facts, the thoughts  you came to say is left unsaid!

Only recently there was a situation with  someone I know..(.no,this time it was not me..) with a great atmosphere , where friendly ,general words spoken and exchanged but many more important words that should have been spoken were basically left unsaid. Maybe the opportunity might not arise again and that person might live to regret that decision. Who knows? Who really know?

So , tell me , what do you do in these situation?
How do you really know what to do?
When is the right time to speak?
When is the right time to stay silent?
When is the right time to only say half of what you want to say?
Yes, that’s the 64,000-dollar question!
And If anyone has an answer…please tell me!

I know, it is not much of a blog this week, I know.I have had so many thoughts on my mind, and could have said more, but it was all I needed to say.
And  I guess I needed to ‘say it’- today.
Til next time!