“FOOTPRINTS …AN IMPRESSION LEFT BEHIND THAT REVEALS SOMEONE HAS BEEN PRESENT HERE.

Today the 24^th February 2016, marks the day of a special birthday for someone who is not here to enjoy it. My late husband Mark is no longer with us, not able to raise his own glass in celebration of what would have been a very special remembrance, this being his 60^th birthday.

As I toasted the acknowledgement of this event today with my daughter at morning tea, one with apple juice, the other with coffee, I reflected upon the gesture of doing this, of even saying Happy Birthday to someone who is no longer with us.

Logically death means our loved ones like Mark, never grow a year older, although logic does little to clear up our confusion when their birthday to us, continues to happen year after year. It seems ironic that someone we love is gone, but we find that even in death their birthday still belongs to them.

Yes, today is Mark’s birthday and for all the years he spent with us here on earth, it was a day that as a family, we set aside to honour and to celebrate his birthday. And I feel that even though he isn’t here now, the day still does  belong to him, after-all it is his day, irrespective of whether he is here or not. Even though at times the words sung after Happy birthday … “and many more” does not truly reflect this image, I believe that as long as we’re here on earth to remember him there will only be “many mores”. As long as myself and his children and other family are alive, we will remember his birthday.

And, Yes we definitly had some great birthdays too!

I recall at his 40^th birthday, there was so much laughter. Our children were only 12 and 9 and did not attend the party- much to their disgust…but it was a ‘mature party’.  This party was complete with a ‘nurse’ to take his temperature and assist him in the matter of turning 40…along with his brother in law Dean holding his hand, (actually I think it was his little finger!). For those of us who remember this night, there was much amusement and frivolity as he reached that milestone of 40, the antics with his Chinese glasses, the happiness and so much fun!

I also so clearly remember that he did not want to turn 40.
For the year previous to his 40^th, all I heard was “I am almost 40”, like it was a major ‘’old person landmark, like he was going to see life with different eyes, that things would change! However, once he turned this crucial magic number, it was as if those comments had never existed. He had made it, and yes he was still young physically and definitely still young and alive at heart.

Sadly, he did not make it to his 50^th birthday, losing his life to cancer only two weeks after his 49^th birthday! Our children were then 21 and 18. I remember that I desperately wanted him to reach that 50^th milestone…even though I knew he was dying; I did not want him to give up on life and go before that 50^th birthday, not that I can give you a reason why I felt that way, I just did. Perhaps it was more for me the significant milestone of having that birthday, that the cancer had not beaten him and he had made 50! But it did not happen.

And today, had he lived, he would have been 60!

And in the midst of today’s birthday celebration remembrance, I now reflect that so much has happened since he passed on, so many aspects of life and changes. And today, I cannot help but ponder in this his 60^th birthday year, what would his thoughts have been, how would he have seen things, how would he have reacted to ‘life’ today.

At his 60^th, what would he have thought as he looked upon his son, who had his own birthday yesterday, the dad 60, the son now 32. The two special days each year for the two men in my family then, who always shared the birthday celebrations. His son, now with wife and two grandsons, the father watching his son now as a dad. What mischief would they get up to in his shed? His daughter now 29, complete with husband and who now has her own daughter! How would he be with his little granddaughter, knowing emotionally how he was with his own daughter!!

How would he feel about his wife, -me- with a complete change of career and direction from when we first started out together as such a young couple? What would his words be to the comments from someone who said that all she loved was teaching and could not see herself in any other role.What would he say now?

How would he react knowing that ‘Col’, his father-in-law only died 6 ½ weeks ago, how would he be now with ‘mum’? What would he be discussing with his ‘the only little sister he knew, even if she was a pain in the ### ’Jenelle, as she shouted him a drink or two? What would he say of and about his brothers and their happenings today? What would he say on this special day in his phone call after his opening words to his mother ‘how you going granny”?

What kind of work would he be doing on this day? Still involved in trucks and dirt and grime? What would he express to his old Scout leader mates, Vince, Peter and Michael, his Apex Mates, Peter and Russell as they shouted him a beer, to his mates John, Warren (Wazza) and Val, as they helped him drink that cold beer? What would he be saying to his life-long mate Merv who also had a birthday yesterday? What would he be saying to the only other special woman in his life Margaret as she comes into the house bearing birthday cake because it is Wednesday and after all, today, his 60^th is a Wednesday!

What would he have said to all listening in the room, or more likely his shed, as he raised his own glass to celebrate and to toast his future?
Would life have been the same?

I guess I will never know as he is not here to share those thoughts with us.

What I do know is, that even though he is not here physically with us, he is still here in so many, many different ways. His presence is still felt. The footprints he left behind are revealed clearly ..his thoughts are still alive. And the love he had for his family is still felt each day.

Today Marc would have turned 60 years of age and yes, we still celebrate this significant birthday and share in the memories and the laughter of the man we once knew!

So please , take a moment to raise your glass and toast this man who turned 60 today.
A toast to a husband, father, son, brother and mate in many areas,.
Please lift your glass and drink with us to celebrate his big 60.

And oh yes, Mark…..in case you were wondering….we definitly would have had one hell of a party!!

“I am looking up today and I trust you are looking down
Because today is your special 60^th birthday and we have smiles here and not a single frown
We know that you have gone away and life is simply not the same.
But we have the gift of cherishing your memories and happily speaking your name.
We still love to hear of your stories, good and bad, with those tales of days ‘gone past’
And we know and understand these narratives help to make the memories of you as you were, last.
And even thought we cannot make any more memories since you are no longer here
We know when we speak of you to each other, it is with laughter, love  and sometimes tears.
So Mark, I hope the angels are singing and you are celebrating your big 60 big style
But please take a moment from your celestial celebrations to wave at us with your cheeky smile”.

“Happy 60^th Birthday Mark Bussa