Have you ever wondered what is ahead for you? What memories you will make?
If you had the chance to see what was about to happen, would you walk through that door?
Would you create that moment of time to create that cherished memory..or would you quietly retreat and tiptoe backwards?

Memories are mysterious possessions.
They are the residue of thought.
Memories and emotions  impact upon each other!

I have just finished watching a beautiful romantic movie about memories and the past ( yes i do like those) and it ended with such significant and powerful words that made me ponder in what I want to write about this week. Sometimes I find things easy to write and others come with difficulty! The hardest part is when i am standing in the shower and words start flowing through my head as to writing…but the paper gets very wet when you reach for it with those soapy hands! Very frustrating! And then of course I sit down to write and I forget or cannot find the right words to say what I wanted to say…!(Be aware…this is probably going to be one of those!) But I digress here.

In all seriousness, these past two weeks have been so difficult and yet so different. I guess it is because the memories of my past at this specific time of year have mixed with memories made of the present and oh boy, they have certainly made an interesting combination!

When I last shared with you it was to remember the life I had once, of the times and memories that I shared with my first husband. Though time has moved on,even ten years later, it is a period that I do not look forward to, as it rekindles many recollections and feelings of what I went through firstly personally in losing my husband and secondly as a family losing a father, a brother, an uncle and  a son. This period of each year for the past ten years has always been a hard time and I really do not enjoy it…not that there is anything to really enjoy. Rather, it is a time filled of different feelings, of memories that rise to the surface, triggered sometimes by the unknown. I know as I watch these significant dates come and go, so many emotions are re stimulated, so many recollections are triggered of my former life and some of those memories, though precious, still remain and all these years later, contrary to what some people think, still hurt.

Did you know, that it was only a few years ago, that a friend said to me that she was frightened that I would forget my first husband! I was quite stunned. I was also hurt and angry! I do not think that you can easily forget someone who has been part of my life for a very long time…even dead! I could not envision then how I was going to ever move on in my life! I guess my ‘Ode to Mark’ in my last blog was exactly that- to share the sadness I felt and of irreplaceable loss,and was written with that in mind. I cherished and meant every word.

But the mind is such a powerful thing to have! Because though good memories and those of sadness and loss are lodged firmly in my mind, I have also generated so many new, fresh remembrances of my road walked since his death. My philosophy has been that you can’t start the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one! So now, I possess memories of where I have since climbed as a new widow; of events and circumstances experienced; what I have felt, struggled, coped with, resulting in the ‘new’ person I am now. This  week was one of them!

In my last blog, I mentioned about my late husband’s wish of moving on with our lives and I reflected how proud he would be of his family now ten years later. And we all did that. But do you know, my ‘new’ life meant that this significant time of remembering and sadness was exactly that..of creating new memories. Importantly, it was beautifully understood by my new husband. He knew my previous spouse and that of course made it so much easier. I am not sure if it would have worked any other way.

So new memories, new residues of thoughts were created as two full days of quiet serene time was shared with him in our own private venue, away from others, in a world absent from the busy realm of work and life’s problems. It was a retreat to give me a chance to reflect, to think, to look at the past ten years and of what has aspired. Not only that, but was also a new memory created for just the two of us, of looking at my new life, of sharing wine (oh just a few bottles); of walking up a very steep mountain to take in nature and what she had to give,(not to mention sore muscles,aches and self-inflicted back and leg pains) and a combination of sadness, and of much laughter. The collection from both of us in memories from the past and the creation of new ones were/are all rolled up in one propelling ball that is rolling along that path of life. I also have to admit, it was also a really good break away for both of us.

And then to top it off, towards the end of the week after waking in the early hours of morning in unexpected physical pain and discomfort I discovered for myself, that I had new thoughts and recollections twisted in the old memories to work through! No- nothing too dramatic, quite boring actually, but assisted me in thinking about various perspectives, of fairness and unfairness of life, of reflecting on my lack of patience (oh yet again as she grimaces and looks to the sky…!). But what these two weeks were became a treasure trove of thoughts that have spun and woven their way into old and new stories.
All called memories.

Memories help us remember the good and bad times in our lives, but they are more than recalls of facts.
Memories are so tied to emotion.
The more powerful memories include both what and how we felt, all the sensations and emotions that accompany those facts.

*And it is the creation of those memories in the past that actually propel us forward to those in our future. *

Yes, each story has an end.
Yes, every ending is just a new beginning!
I wonder -What will next week bring?