How do you feel when you lose someone so young , you love to cancer?

Ten years ago, my first husband lost his battle to Melanoma Cancer. It was a terrible time, it was full of pain and so many tears and we lost a husband a father to two children, and a friend and family to many others.My children were just 18 and just 21…still so young to lose their dad when they were reaching this prime time in their future. He asked me back then  in his dying wish to not to just live in memory of him But to move on with our lives and to grow….You can imagine how I felt about that.

But we did….Life did go on as hard as it was and we all found our feet again in many different ways. I reflect on that journey today as tears are felt ten years down the road.

I rose up this morning and I had a conversation with Mark- and wrote it in a poem. I now share this with you.

MY CHAT TODAY WITH MARK”
Ten years ago you passed away and I know the choice was not yours
Ten years ago on that awful day, your eyes closed, and your spirit away-soared
Ten years ago, that road ahead, each day extremely tough to see
Without you there beside us all to converse, to argue, and at times to amazingly sometimes agree!.

You know, I really cannot believe that ten years have now gone like a sigh flitted up in the sky,
And though others may think, we have forgotten you now, I still feel that heart wrenching goodbye;
You were alive and filled our world then, but it closed when it was time to tell you adieu
And I had to give back the gift that was not mine, but cherish the moments of time I had had with you.

Ten years have now passed since that fateful day ,and I look back at how far we have all come
Your wife now re-married, and a new career role ,and you would be so proud of your daughter and son!
I now hear my son ask with his own son around, “what would my dad think and do?”
I so feel my daughter, a mother as well, wanting to hold an embrace one more time too
And though some may not see physically the ache in my heart, because life has travelled on for us three
That heartache of loss can never be erased, because you are always a huge part of me.

You left us a legacy stating we were not, ‘just to live solely in memory of you’
Yes, we honoured your wish as we walked down that road, and old memories integrate now with the new,
And though people say life goes on every day, your home in our hearts is not displaced
Just take a look at your son and your daughter, and know your presence is always in place.

As remembrance tears fall freely today, as we miss you so much, I turn to the clouds above the trees;
As you wished for us, all those years ago when you left us behind, I know you are proud of what we three have achieved.
Now I wipe my eyes dry as the sun rises high , and I look to the rolling blue seas,
Please now, blow a kiss from where you are
And just smile to us all , as you wave gently here in the breeze