Today is Day three after an operation I did not plan for and I am sitting here quietly…watching some trivia on Television…..and thinking /wondering how things happen to happen! Life certainly throws many curve balls at you…. because after a pleasant Sunday outing with my son and grandson and family, i ended up in John Flynn’s Private hospital Sunday night! Most of you know this by now but thought I would write a story about it anyway!
So backtracking….how did it come to be????
Last week was a busy week for both Marc and I and we decided that as I did not finish at the surgery til 5.50pm seeing the last patient to the door, that we would go out for dinner at our local restaurants here in Brunswick Heads! So off we go, armed with wallet, jackets and our appetite! Walking down the street in amicable company, contemplating the weekend ahead of both of us. Into the restaurant…actually onto the outside terrace part under the heater ( yes I know you Sydney and Melbourne ‘Ites’ say it is not cold… but it was here) and we sat down to share some treasured time together complimented with some entree and an Italian dish and a bottle of wine. That was what i thought anyway!
The menu was one I had seen before and actually I chose a meal I had had before….and that was my mistake! I have to admit here that i did argue with my husband about ‘did i really want to eat this”..and as I had had it before, i consented and said that it would be ok! I had always watched how much fat content was in each dish and the problem was that this meal consisted of white cream sauce- in fact most of the dishes had a white wine cream sauce or a red wine cream sauce . I know I did hesitate and juggle between the prawns and garlic Neapolitan and the chicken angelica ..weighing up the pros and cons of each- how much cream was there , doing all the mathematical calculations…but sadly the Chicken Angelica won!
It won in so many contexts believe me!
A lovely meal with my husband, a lovely romantic evening enjoyed in a bottle of red Merlot shared by two , and don’t forget the cocktail that i had as well, wonderful conversation with my man, walking home, cuddle on the couch, off to bed for an early night to catch up after our busy week – I mean how else could you finish a week…
ONE WORD….
PAIN!
Around midnight I woke up with a pain in my chest- knowing very well what it was…..drifted back on and off in sleep to a restless morning where normality of the day routine returned. Marc going to Lismore Base hospital for his day there, leaving early , a Saturday of me cleaning the house and changing cupboards, trying to ignore the compounding pain that was building in my sternum, chest….upper torso body !! My parents came out to see me for a surprise morning tea visit and I must have looked strained as they asked what was wrong….but it was not too bad. Marc returned from Lismore that night to a lovely stir fry beef dinner of which i could not eat at all (as I was now throwing up). Not quite the romantic dinner I had planned! An injection given to me to assist with the pain and nausea from my doctor husband, a concerned..do you want to go to the hospital.…to a very quick retort of ‘no thankyou‘….to another disturbed night of pain and lack of sleep.
Sunday dawned , a beautiful day. We headed up to see our beautiful little grandchild and my son and his wife. It was Laurens birthday and so we said we would go out for lunch as a treat and so we did…..to a Pasta place. Even though you might be laughing now, this was quite a beautiful well set out fast food place- (left MacDonalds for dead in food and environment) – and the food looked appetizing.I am sure it tasted great too (had I had any )and not one part was left on any plate. My lunch consisted of nibbling on a solitary piece of lettuce and declared that i had had enough…I was feeling a bit sick and preferred not to eat at all.
So- now off to the park with our gorgeous grandson for Pa-pa to play with Little Mark as Grammy was not feeling in the playing mood, but more than happy to hold him and cuddle him and of course take the photos ! Back to the car after this to head back to pick up our golden retriever who was so glad to see us after a tussle or two with my sons dog- heading back home for our 1hr 20 min trek.
Normally the travel does not worry me…but it appeared that every bump and stump and jolt and bolt affected me, so by the time I got home, i was feeling quite poorly. Right now, it was now 48 hours after my initial “attack”…and the norm my nausea usually disappears after a few hours.. Apparently this was not going away or lying down, it was fighting hard to stay on. and take control ..and it did! I must admit by this time I was not feeling very well at all .
By the time I arrived home bed looked extremely inviting and became my refuge from the pain trying not to move much at all!
By now Marc had taken control and called in my own doctor Michael who came out to our house- examined me and in no certain terms told me I had to go to John Flynn Hospital- which is about 35 minutes from here. The two doctors sided together against me…and poor Marc- after driving 3 hours through the day before this, then had to drive back along the road we had come. Of course I cried and did not want to go as my last episode there five years ago at the same hospital with keyhole surgery, ended up with me bleeding out and having blood transfusion because my hemoglobin levels were down to 30 ( the norm is 150) …basically having a dreadful time, so this was marring my perception ” just a little bit”.
Reality was- I was fighting him all the way as i was terrified.
Even though Marc was whispering endearing Italian terms and phrases in my ears from our classes we attend, struggling to divert me whilst in accident and emergency and then the period of waiting , I cried all the way to the theatre…soaked the sheets! Oh Yes i cried!!!
And out it came!
Four days later I am now home writing this after recovering from a Gall bladder surgical operation removal- . I was informed that I had ‘acute cholecystitis” according to Dr Micheal Gushwin – the specialist…..’Interestingly, .I have now also found out that I have extremely thin blood- does not clot very well which is surprising as I am not on medications at all. In this factor, the specialist was amazed- a good factor in the respect that I will not suffer from aneurism or clotting in older age, but not good re bleeding and not stopping as soon as I should! I guess you win some and you lose some!
But he was lovely and importantly, I must say that I have had my faith restored in surgery again as this specialist actually listened to me. This doctor had a calming voice , think ‘radio voice’ and a reassuring attitude which is very important in medicine. This is the first time that a specialist has actually listened to me and not brushed me off with a condescending ‘they know better ‘ attitude or “ we have drugs for that – you’ll be fine’ attitude, but someone who actually took on board what I was trying to say, who saw that i was quite terrified from my past experiences when he came and saw me to explain what was to happen, someone who actually not only heard me speak but listened and acknowledged and acted on my thoughts and concerns.
Sadly for me I cannot take anesthetics, I get so ill, I have had such a bad track record . I also cannot take morphine or any analgesics that are morphine based. They all make me so ill. So the effects of anesthetic combined with the effects of morphine does not make a pretty picture and also proves difficult for medical staff as most analgesics are morphine based .Trying to find an alternative is difficult!
But this time, this specialist actually listened to me ( to Marc as well as I asked him to ring him- Marc knew him) .Therefore, I awoke bleary eyed and sore , had some vomiting but not a great deal of throwing up and then slept. The difference was, he doped me right out. They used a drug which knocks you out more so…and it definitely did! I do not remember much about the first 12 hours or so! Apparently I asked Marc the same question 5 times when i returned from surgery a few hours later, and cannot remember much of that time frame . All I wanted to do was sleep….I guess Marc could really have asked me anything and i would not remember! I awoke Wednesday morning very sore but not throwing up. A much better alternative believe me! In addition, different pain killers were used, short term short affecting ones but these worked as well. A mixture of the right medications and the right doctor certainly changed my outlook on hospitals and surgery!
Medically I was on a roll!
And now I am thankfully home.
My darling husband has been great but Marc was on call at the hospital all last night after a full days work and that aspect is sometimes hard. When I know I am not well I know he has his own patient commitments and others need him..sometimes preferential treatment is not an option! However, I accept that is part of our lives..as difficult sometimes that is.
Today is only day three after the op and although the night was rough am getting there. I think I expect to much of myself sometimes!!
I have also learnt in such a short time, such a lot about PAIN KILLERS!! Pain killers are quite deceptive in the fact that they make you feel well- you feel that you are ‘getting there’ and definitely on the mend. I felt I could do anything, carry, run, talk feel “good” stand tall, but they mask the fact that when you get close to the time ( wearing off) you need them. Then returns that little old lady with the stooped back clutching her stomach as she walks oh so slowly.
Where did the standing tall and straight woman ready to conquer this illness go? Gone with the painkillers!
IT also made me think at 3am this morning when i slept two hours past my time of medicine and was in absolute agony- trying to get the drugs back into my system again, how people rely on these little white pills to keep them going. Working closely with Marc I have seen many of his patients come in who are drug dependent, who need their script filled, who get agitated when they cannot get an appointment to get that script, who come in early for more with excuses that they lost their drugs, that someone stole them..but reality is, they have taken more and more of them because they needed them!
We all need painkillers at some point of time, in the form of alcohol of drugs….or sleep and I can truly see how they can get that way. I cannot understand the dependance issue but can see how it does actually happen. It is sad that pain drives people to this. Reality, I am in pain-today, these past few days and probably the next few days as well and will not dispute that. I mean I have had surgery and walking, bending and even sitting and moving is quite hard at times . Yes, I would prefer to be pain free and I do use the prescribed pain killers but I know that I can eventually do without them as my body heals itself through rest ! You might be saying that i also have the help in the form of my doctor husband in determining what i can have and not have, but even so, I am ultimately the one who is responsible . I am the one who makes the decisions and can easily make the decision to have more. It takes faith in yourself to know that you only need them for a short while, they are necessary ,but that as your health returns eventually you will need them less and less and you take less and less! .I am choosing the alternative. Sadly, these drug dependent people do not think that- or they have gone past the point of no return without severe withdrawal from the effects.
So, my little unexpected trip away has shown me a few things about life… about understanding other perspectives, even Marc has learnt a couple of things about him and I .
However, believe me it still has not taught me any more patience when sick! I hate being sick. I hate not doing anything, I hate having people around doing things for me when i should be out there doing it myself! i hate not being in control of me!!
BUT- A new day, A new dawn and yes A new pain killer…for now! !!!
I am ready to return slowly from my unexpected little trip away!
And to think…it all started with a little dish called “Chicken Angelica”-
Mmmm…not so Angelic me thinks!